Alumni Blog

A Year in Ghana

Tabitha Kroeker had spent the summer of 2006 in Honduras, and then lived in Sega, Ghana for a year in 2007-2008. Here she offers some words of reflection upon her experiences:

Clara (Campus Rep, USMC) told a little story during her week stay in Sega that really hit home with me. This story involved her young daughter trying to get her own banana from the counter. She wanted so badly to be independent and do it without help, so while she was alone in the kitchen she climbed onto the counter and knocked over a glass bowl in the process which broke and shattered all over the floor. The little girl was devastated and cried and cried, despite Clara and her husbands’ relaxed attitudes about the whole thing… they were actually relieved to have one less dish taking up space on the counter! But she would not be consoled by her mom’s attempts to make her feel better. Finally she cried out in all her exasperation, “Mom, it’s just so HARD to be GOOD!”
This story really stuck with me, as it was exactly how I was feeling at the time… it was just so hard to be good! I had been in Ghana for about 6 months by that time and was feeling like no matter how hard I tried to be a part of the community I always managed to do or say something wrong. For example, a student once saw me going for a walk and asked if I wanted him to come with me. I knew that he had been feeling a little sick and was probably tired, so thinking he was just asking because he thought it was expected of him, I told him that it was okay, he didn’t have to come. I was trying to be polite and didn’t understand why he seemed to take such offense to my statement. Later I found out he had really been hurt by those words as in Ghana if you tell someone they “don’t have to” come with you it is a rude way of saying you don’t want them following you. I am usually good with relationships and generally thought of as a “nice” person (thoughtful, kind, respectful), so it was really difficult for me to be in these situations where I was hurting and offending people I loved and respected, with the feeling that I had no control over these situations. The more I focused on the mistakes I made, the more I felt judged by the people around me. And I spent a few months feeling more sad than I’d ever been before, not feeling like myself at all.
At this time, there were a lot of other things happening that were incredibly challenging for me… dealing with a marriage proposal from a close friend and the awkwardness that followed, having a fellow volunteer direct a lot of anger toward me, people in the town making comments about “white people” and feeling generalized in this category, etc. etc. It was a very difficult time. But the most difficult part was not knowing how to deal with it, not knowing what was the right thing to do, not knowing how to be “good”.
I think a lot of volunteers who come, especially through a program like Intercordia, where they want to be a part of the community rather than just “helping people in need”, have similar feelings. Although we all face different challenges and find ourselves in situations unique to our own personal experience, it is that feeling of helplessness, of not being in control and not knowing what to do. This can make us feel judged which often, in turn, leads to us being more judgmental of others (other volunteers or people in the communities in which we’re living), I think out of our own defensiveness.
If I look back on my situation now, I again see myself as the little girl in Clara’s story, although now with the bigger picture in mind. Just as Clara’s daughter, in her moment of feeling terrible about breaking the bowl, wasn’t able to take in the fact that neither of her parents were actually upset about the broken bowl, I too was focused on feeling awful about my mistakes without realizing that the community wasn’t being nearly as judgmental towards me as I thought. And this was confirmed many times as people in Sega expressed their appreciation for the person I was and the way I lived and behaved in the community.
I think it is important for students to go into this experience knowing that there will be times when they are misunderstood and things they do will be perceived in the wrong way. But it is also important to know that that is okay. We will make mistakes and it’s okay. In fact, sometimes I think it’s good for the community to see us make mistakes so that we become more human to them. This is necessary for us to build real, deep and meaningful relationships within these communities. And I think it’s also important to see how we are wrongly perceived and misunderstood, and to turn that lesson around and realize that we also are often the ones who misunderstand and see things in the wrong way. And things that are said to us which are hurtful are not necessarily meant to hurt us or to make us feel like we don’t belong. (Actually I think this lesson is INCREDIBLY important, as so often volunteers feel like people in the community do not like them or think badly about them, when that is not often the case. It may be due to people feeling shy around you or not knowing what to say to you, etc.)
The thing that kept me going and allowed me to get through the challenging times, was taking the lessons out of these moments, knowing that I was learning a lot (although in COMPLETELY different ways than expected!) and growing as a human being. I learned to really see my own weaknesses and accept the fact that others could see them too, without necessarily looking down on me or making judgments. I learned to be gentle with myself and allow myself to make mistakes. I learned that I am not in control of every situation and that I don’t always have to make everything right (rather that when I try it often messes up things more!). And I gained a whole new understanding of the challenges people face when coming to Canada for the first time, especially those who don’t speak English and don’t know anything about Western culture. Intercordia is all about learning, growing and gaining understanding, and that is exactly what we have to keep doing in order to turn the challenging times into positive experiences. The most growth always comes with the biggest challenges!