Staff Blog

Part of the Family

Three weeks ago I had my first moment of feeling sad about leaving. For awhile I’ve wanted to make a video on my digital camera of my homestead. It’s a bit more real than pictures, and I thought it would be nice to be able to show to people at home.  Three weeks ago on Sunday I finally did it. I had been feeling sick all weekend and still wasn’t a hundred percent so I wasn’t sure if it was the time, but it was a beautiful afternoon and my family was home, so I pulled myself together.  Before I started I told my host mom what I was doing and that I wanted her to say hello to the camera for my family and friends.  She laughed and said ok.  I started filming, showing some of the homestead, and then I came over to her. “This is my beautiful mother,” I said. “And this is my baby girl,” she said. “She’s stayed with me for two months and now she is leaving and there is pain in my heart.”  She said how much she’ll miss me and how much she appreciates all I do around the house to help her.  Then she said, “She came to be with my family,” but corrected herself, “She is part of my family now.”

I said thank you and carried on. I was glowing. I’d expected her to say, “Hello.”
I filmed my clothes drying on the line, my favourite spot in the sky where I watch the stars at night, the kitchen where I cook, the TV room where we spend our evenings, and my bedroom. I filmed my host dad and my friend Sengetto and little Umfundo, one of the neighbours kids.  And when I finished I felt sad that I was going to be leaving all of this.
I was surprised that I felt sad.  This experience has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done.  I spent the first six weeks struggling to be present here, when in fact I just wanted to go home. But when I finished my video and noticed it was going to be hard to leave, I realized that I have a home here too now. 

Over the last few weeks it’s been amazing to be aware that I really live here. I don’t feel like a tourist or a visitor, I don’t feel like a fish out of water, I feel comfortable walking the streets of Manzini, getting around on the local transportation, and coming home at the end of the day.  I live in Swaziland.  When I first arrived here from time to time I would have to remind myself where I was because it seemed so unreal. Now I have to remind myself because it feels so normal. I live in Swaziland. I have family here, I have friends here, I have a life here. It’s very different from my life in Canada, but still, it’s a life, a good life, a life that I like.

-Lauren Nagler, Intercordia Mentor